Every now and then, I get really annoyed and upset over little things that really should not matter. Most of the time, I get mad at my husband because of these little things. I am 24 and basically married, not married on paper just yet meaning we don't have the JOP thing but in Texas, we are married. We struggle from time to time with money and everything else. I see friends in relationships who brag about getting flowers, going out to dinner, always doing something with their partners and it usually drives me nuts. I have realized that getting upset over things like this is ridiculous and I am aware that I should not care what other couples are doing. However, I know that in the beginning of relationships, everything is happy and perfect but after a while, it dies down. It is normal.
Also, Josh and I have had to do things for ourselves for quite sometime. He was kicked out of his parents' house at age 18 and was told to pay for his rent and everything most people don't worry about till their mid-late 20s. He has been working since age 15 and paying for his own stuff since. I moved out of my mom's house when I was 21 and I have been paying for my own stuff since age 18. We never had the luxury of having our parents do everything for us.
Josh and I have talked about other couples in the past and wonder how the hell they can afford to spoil each other constantly and knowing they make less money than Josh does. Truth is, most people our age still live with mommy and daddy and have nothing to spend their money on but themselves. Must be nice. Everything we have, we have worked for.
We even discussed that when we have children, we don't get to have a huge party with people buying us shit. Same when we get married. We don't get any of that crap. Not that people who have it should feel bad for us but it's almost sad because they don't know what struggle is, they can easily depend on someone in their family to help them. Josh nor I have that option.
With all that said, I have realized that even though it really sucks not being able to suck on the tit of my parents for shit….there is a great sense of accomplishment knowing we don't need our family to make things happen for us. Josh might not buy me flowers all the time but we have a badass house, two tvs, four dogs, a cat, and a truck that runs. We pay for EVERYTHING we have with NO help.
I feel bad for those who are so used to having help…when their family dies, they are going to have a really hard time doing things for themselves.
Best of luck to the spoiled brats in the world.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
The Walking Dead is a dud
I have been wanting to write a blog about this show for quite awhile but never got around to it. Over a year ago, I was told the show was available on Netflix to watch so I figured, what the heck? So, I curled up on the couch and started season 1 and after about 10 minutes, I wanted to turn it off. Why? You might ask. Well, the answer is simple, it is fake. Duh, right? When I say fake, I don't mean the obvious part that it is a show but the story line. But, my friend told me to keep watching and I would not be disappointed because it was going to "get good". In my opinion, that was when I stopped believing him.
The hours passed and I continued to force myself to watch the entire first season, I even watched about four or five episodes into season two. As the first season went on all I could think is WTF am I watching and not in a good way. I never understood the story line. Still don't.
Here are my issues with this show.
Why did the zombies move slowly in the beginning but by the end of season one and almost all of season two…they somehow run now? When and WHY did this happen?
Why is their blood red?
How did all of them get the strength to get up once they were bit, died, and then came back undead?
While in the underground lab…the scientist clearly states that the frontal lobe has been destroyed. Well, I have a degree in psychology and IF that were true in their storyline…their movement would be compromised. For those who do not understand that…the walkers would not be able to move much if at all and they sure as hell would NOT be able to lift their body in any way. Meaning reaching for people, stepping onto an RV (HORRIBLE scene), or anything of that nature. It would not be possible.
In season two…a few "walkers" in the woods actually jump…clearly showing they are actors. WTF?
How is it that they would hide under cars and the walkers just walked around them. Yet, when in a house or something, they can "smell" or "hear" the living. Doesn't make any sense.
Those are just SOME of the issues I have with this show…which is why I completely stopped watching it for over a year until my husband decided he wanted to try it out so I figured I would give it another shot. And while watching it with him, he was asking the questions I had been asking myself in the past. So, I know it's not just me not enjoying the show or "having a lack of imagination"…thats the issue for me….there is no imagination. I cannot watch a show that does not answer it's own questions that are so obvious.
Obviously most people who watch and enjoy the show are those who really love zombies and I can understand that. However, anyone who is a FAN of zombies will know that this show is just embarrassing.
Now, the characters are interesting KIND OF. I have a huge problem with the wife and I think she is a whore. Regardless if she thought her husband was dead or not, she could have waited more than a month to start fucking (excuse the langauge) her husband's best friend. The best friend is a douche bag would lied to get at the wife and he is a killer. To be honest, the rest of the characters are expendable.
If you have seen the show, feel free to try and argue with me or say I am wrong, etc. I realize the show is for entertainment purposes….go figure. And in someways, it is entertaining. However, for a show that is meant to be happening now and be realistic….they should have realized how stupid the writing is. OR…..the writers are thinking that people are stupid and wouldn't notice these things. Either way, it's sad because had they thought more about the simple things, this show could have been really really good.
The hours passed and I continued to force myself to watch the entire first season, I even watched about four or five episodes into season two. As the first season went on all I could think is WTF am I watching and not in a good way. I never understood the story line. Still don't.
Here are my issues with this show.
Why did the zombies move slowly in the beginning but by the end of season one and almost all of season two…they somehow run now? When and WHY did this happen?
Why is their blood red?
How did all of them get the strength to get up once they were bit, died, and then came back undead?
While in the underground lab…the scientist clearly states that the frontal lobe has been destroyed. Well, I have a degree in psychology and IF that were true in their storyline…their movement would be compromised. For those who do not understand that…the walkers would not be able to move much if at all and they sure as hell would NOT be able to lift their body in any way. Meaning reaching for people, stepping onto an RV (HORRIBLE scene), or anything of that nature. It would not be possible.
In season two…a few "walkers" in the woods actually jump…clearly showing they are actors. WTF?
How is it that they would hide under cars and the walkers just walked around them. Yet, when in a house or something, they can "smell" or "hear" the living. Doesn't make any sense.
Those are just SOME of the issues I have with this show…which is why I completely stopped watching it for over a year until my husband decided he wanted to try it out so I figured I would give it another shot. And while watching it with him, he was asking the questions I had been asking myself in the past. So, I know it's not just me not enjoying the show or "having a lack of imagination"…thats the issue for me….there is no imagination. I cannot watch a show that does not answer it's own questions that are so obvious.
Obviously most people who watch and enjoy the show are those who really love zombies and I can understand that. However, anyone who is a FAN of zombies will know that this show is just embarrassing.
Now, the characters are interesting KIND OF. I have a huge problem with the wife and I think she is a whore. Regardless if she thought her husband was dead or not, she could have waited more than a month to start fucking (excuse the langauge) her husband's best friend. The best friend is a douche bag would lied to get at the wife and he is a killer. To be honest, the rest of the characters are expendable.
If you have seen the show, feel free to try and argue with me or say I am wrong, etc. I realize the show is for entertainment purposes….go figure. And in someways, it is entertaining. However, for a show that is meant to be happening now and be realistic….they should have realized how stupid the writing is. OR…..the writers are thinking that people are stupid and wouldn't notice these things. Either way, it's sad because had they thought more about the simple things, this show could have been really really good.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Fake ass relationships
"I am so in love"
"Never been with a guy who loves this like a do"
"He is the best sex I have ever had"
"He is so big. hehe"
"My ex is nothing to compared to my new boyfriend"
Those are just some of the things I have seen people say when they get into a new relationship. Every time I see it, I just laugh at how stupid people are. Girls lie 80% of the time when they say a guy is "big", seriously….it is true. Now, yes some guys are gifted and they deserve to be bragged about…however, if a girl has said it about every boyfriend she has had…she is a fucking liar. Not that many guys are THAT above average.
New relationships are a fun time and I am not talking away from that but get the fuck out of here with that "he is amazing" bullshit. You know damn well that in a year or two, you are going to be saying the same thing about some new poor fool. The first few months everything is all rainbows and candy corn which I get, I have been there…in high school. I remember every time I got into a relationship it was "amazing" because the guy is so sweet. Enjoy it while you think it lasts.
I have been with my guy over 2 years which is not a long time at all. My longest relationship was 4 years and thats when I was 16-20. However I am now 24 and have learned a shit load after being in relationships. As angry and bitter as it may sound, I no longer believe in fairy tales. The exist in story books, thats it. When my guy and I got together he was the most romantic guy and was the only guy I have ever been with who was actually WANTING to do things to make me happy. When I moved to Texas to be with him (after 3 months of knowing him) we fought ALL the time. Literally….ALL the time. It was borderline abusive because we have such stronger personalities. Oddly enough it worked out for sure because we are still together and in love. Go figure.
I learned that pretending a relationship is better than it is makes no sense and all it does is makes you look like an idiot to smart people (such as myself) who can see through your bullshit. Being in love all the time is just annoying. If you always think you are in it, how are you going to know when you actually find it? Not everything has to be rainbows and sunshine in order to find love or to actually be in love. I am thankful for my relationship with my guy even if it doesn't last. He is a relationship that I will remember because he taught me things and didn't bullshit me like every other guy did.
Love is something you learn, it is not something that just happens.
You'll realize this when you grow up and get out of the "everything is perfect" mindset because you know in a few months your relationship will go to shit and you'll be talking shit about him like you did your last ex. If you think you are grown up enough to be in love, be grown up enough to realize the difference.
"Never been with a guy who loves this like a do"
"He is the best sex I have ever had"
"He is so big. hehe"
"My ex is nothing to compared to my new boyfriend"
Those are just some of the things I have seen people say when they get into a new relationship. Every time I see it, I just laugh at how stupid people are. Girls lie 80% of the time when they say a guy is "big", seriously….it is true. Now, yes some guys are gifted and they deserve to be bragged about…however, if a girl has said it about every boyfriend she has had…she is a fucking liar. Not that many guys are THAT above average.
New relationships are a fun time and I am not talking away from that but get the fuck out of here with that "he is amazing" bullshit. You know damn well that in a year or two, you are going to be saying the same thing about some new poor fool. The first few months everything is all rainbows and candy corn which I get, I have been there…in high school. I remember every time I got into a relationship it was "amazing" because the guy is so sweet. Enjoy it while you think it lasts.
I have been with my guy over 2 years which is not a long time at all. My longest relationship was 4 years and thats when I was 16-20. However I am now 24 and have learned a shit load after being in relationships. As angry and bitter as it may sound, I no longer believe in fairy tales. The exist in story books, thats it. When my guy and I got together he was the most romantic guy and was the only guy I have ever been with who was actually WANTING to do things to make me happy. When I moved to Texas to be with him (after 3 months of knowing him) we fought ALL the time. Literally….ALL the time. It was borderline abusive because we have such stronger personalities. Oddly enough it worked out for sure because we are still together and in love. Go figure.
I learned that pretending a relationship is better than it is makes no sense and all it does is makes you look like an idiot to smart people (such as myself) who can see through your bullshit. Being in love all the time is just annoying. If you always think you are in it, how are you going to know when you actually find it? Not everything has to be rainbows and sunshine in order to find love or to actually be in love. I am thankful for my relationship with my guy even if it doesn't last. He is a relationship that I will remember because he taught me things and didn't bullshit me like every other guy did.
Love is something you learn, it is not something that just happens.
You'll realize this when you grow up and get out of the "everything is perfect" mindset because you know in a few months your relationship will go to shit and you'll be talking shit about him like you did your last ex. If you think you are grown up enough to be in love, be grown up enough to realize the difference.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Sister Wives
For those who have not seen the show it is about a man (Kody) and he is the husband, he has four (yes...4 wives). Meri is the one he married first, then Janelle, then Christine, and then Robyn. They are one big family and each wife had kids with Kody. Robyn had three children from a pervious marriage and last year she and Kody had their first child together; a son.
If you get a chance, check out the show..it is really interesting and I really enjoy it. I had heard about it years ago but was not interested in it and was very confused by that life style, but what do you do when you are confused about something? I don't know about you, but I research things and try to find out as much information as I can about the things I don't understand. Obviously their lifestyle is not the "normal" but really? What is nowadays?
The family now has a total of 18 children and yeah, that is pretty crazy as one would imagine. I cannot even imagine having that many children but it is awesome how well they handle everything. It really is awesome. They are one big family and every child has four moms which would seem a bit odd but it is amazing that they all have so much love for one another.
Obviously there would be jealousy and especially towards the newest wife (Robyn) because she tends to be the favorite or at least in my opinion. She and Kody seem to have a different bond than the rest of the wives and yet there is a strong bond between Meri and Kody as well. Meri is Kody's first wife and I think that is natural to have a strong bond. Meri and Robyn are the closest out of the sisters and tend to have a much stronger and loving bond than Janelle and Christine.
Christine is my favorite, I think. The way she handles things is very much my style and I think I relate the most with her. That is what's so awesome about the show...you get to see one man married to four different women who have different parenting styles and personalities. To me, that much be a crazy life but somehow it just works for them.
Some people have very strong opinions on their family and that it is "wrong" but I find it odd that people are so quick to judge everything. I do not understand why people have to concern themselves with another person's life. If no one is being harmed, who cares? They are happy and I think it is pretty awesome that even with all the stresses, they can all be smart, independent, and all around good people.
While watching the show, I wondered what it would be like if Joshua told me he wanted another wife. Part of me feels as though I would be okay with it because once we have kids, they will have a big family which is something I never had. I love my alone time but I am sure I would be jealous but over time, I think eventually you become close to the sister wives and that could be great support. I don't know, I think that life style is definitely different.
If you get a chance, check out the show..it is really interesting and I really enjoy it. I had heard about it years ago but was not interested in it and was very confused by that life style, but what do you do when you are confused about something? I don't know about you, but I research things and try to find out as much information as I can about the things I don't understand. Obviously their lifestyle is not the "normal" but really? What is nowadays?
The family now has a total of 18 children and yeah, that is pretty crazy as one would imagine. I cannot even imagine having that many children but it is awesome how well they handle everything. It really is awesome. They are one big family and every child has four moms which would seem a bit odd but it is amazing that they all have so much love for one another.
Obviously there would be jealousy and especially towards the newest wife (Robyn) because she tends to be the favorite or at least in my opinion. She and Kody seem to have a different bond than the rest of the wives and yet there is a strong bond between Meri and Kody as well. Meri is Kody's first wife and I think that is natural to have a strong bond. Meri and Robyn are the closest out of the sisters and tend to have a much stronger and loving bond than Janelle and Christine.
Christine is my favorite, I think. The way she handles things is very much my style and I think I relate the most with her. That is what's so awesome about the show...you get to see one man married to four different women who have different parenting styles and personalities. To me, that much be a crazy life but somehow it just works for them.
Some people have very strong opinions on their family and that it is "wrong" but I find it odd that people are so quick to judge everything. I do not understand why people have to concern themselves with another person's life. If no one is being harmed, who cares? They are happy and I think it is pretty awesome that even with all the stresses, they can all be smart, independent, and all around good people.
While watching the show, I wondered what it would be like if Joshua told me he wanted another wife. Part of me feels as though I would be okay with it because once we have kids, they will have a big family which is something I never had. I love my alone time but I am sure I would be jealous but over time, I think eventually you become close to the sister wives and that could be great support. I don't know, I think that life style is definitely different.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Don't say anything at all.
I was looking online about stuff and came across a post. Someone had commented "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" and I couldn't help but get annoyed. I don't know, maybe it's just my mind set lately where I think people's petty bullshit problems are just annoying.
Anyways, the comment really struck a nerve. I was thinking of how weak people are nowadays. America is about freedom of speech regardless of who many disagree with it. The person who made the comment was the original poster of the video and I just couldn't help but laugh at it.
It's like saying that people are only allows to say nice things because it helps build you up as a person even if they are full of shit. You want people to just say nice things even if it's not the truth. What the fuck is that about?
Since when can't someone say what they feel? I get told things all the time that aren't nice...big fucking deal. Grow a pair and quit being a pussy about stuff. I know there is a huge raise in suicides cause kids are being bullied and don't get me wrong, I think bullying is stupid and kids should get smacked for that.
HOWEVER
There is a difference between someone saying "you're not a good singer" and "you're fat and ugly and should off yourself". Those are completely different things. I'm annoyed. I just don't get why people aren't allowed to share their opinions.
Fucking pussies.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Scary news
Well,
I was trying to figure out for a couple days how I was going to write this stuff out and wasn't even sure if I wanted to post it online. But, after some thinking, I realized I need to be able to vent about all of this and be able to let others to find comfort if they are going through the same thing.
October 8th, 2013 I had to go to the doctor for test results. I had a pap smear done the week before and was told I had a UTI (ew) and was give antibiotics to help kill it. I was also put onto birth control which I had been off of for awhile. Anyways, my husband and I went to the doctor to get the results of the pap. I was thinking if anything the doctor was going to tell me I had a yeast infection or at the very worse that I had some nasty STD that would go away within a month. Well, that's not how it went at all.
The nurse brought us into the back room which I thought was a bit odd but figured maybe the others were filled up. The doctor came in and very calmly told me that I have HPV and that the pap came back abnormal. She informed me that I have cancer cells on my cervix.....CANCER. No no no. I can't have cancer.....thats just not okay. When she said that word, my brain stopped and I just couldn't listen to her, everything became surreal and I wanted to cry but couldn't because I was still in shock. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! I was freaking out but didn't know what to do or what to say. Thankfully my husband was asking questions (which I don't remember).
The doctor said that I would need to come back in a week to see another doctor who would schedule a surgery because I would need to have a cone biopsy. Which is were they put me under and take a piece out of my cervix in order to send it to pathology and find out what stage the cancer is in.
I am going to be really honest...I am scared. I don't get scared over a lot of things and I am normally very chill with things and calm about stuff. I do not know much of anything right now except that I am scared and I don't know what is going on and won't know until after they do the pathology report. I made a mistake and started to look up stuff online and I just freaked out more because I am reading stuff that I don't even know if I have or will have.
There is a high chance that I will not be able to carry my own children and that's sad. It is a sad thing. My husband is adopted so he is completely okay with adopting eventually but he is a guy so he isn't understand where I am coming from as a woman. I am going to be robbed of the chance to do what my body was biologically designed to do. It is a messed up thing. I haven't told many people about this because I do not know how bad everything is just yet. I don't want people worry too much.
Then again, I don't know if many people will worry. I have told a few people and most of my friends have basically said they are sorry and wish me the best. I am sure it's shocking news for them as well but really? I don't know I am just annoyed that people are not being as supportive as I need them to be. I am frustrated with so many things that are going on right now and I have so many thoughts going through my head.
I have to be honest, I am angry with God or whomever this needs to be blamed on. I have been told "God gives the biggest battles to the strongest soldiers" and I just want to scream at people who say that shit to me. Even people who are trying to help, I want to just scream. I have been through so much shit my whole life and just in the last ten years I have been through 13 surgeries (this cone biopsy will be number 13). My first surgery was when I was age 14. I am DONE with shit. I. AM. TIRED. My body and my mind are exhausted. I just want a fucking break.
People around me who know are trying to keep me positive and I am trying. I really am. It's hard though. Not knowing shit is hard. I don't do well with not knowing things.
I am going to try and just be happy about this good stuff in my life and try to be hopeful.
What I am feeling is normal and I am within my rights to be upset. But I will try.
xo
I was trying to figure out for a couple days how I was going to write this stuff out and wasn't even sure if I wanted to post it online. But, after some thinking, I realized I need to be able to vent about all of this and be able to let others to find comfort if they are going through the same thing.
October 8th, 2013 I had to go to the doctor for test results. I had a pap smear done the week before and was told I had a UTI (ew) and was give antibiotics to help kill it. I was also put onto birth control which I had been off of for awhile. Anyways, my husband and I went to the doctor to get the results of the pap. I was thinking if anything the doctor was going to tell me I had a yeast infection or at the very worse that I had some nasty STD that would go away within a month. Well, that's not how it went at all.
The nurse brought us into the back room which I thought was a bit odd but figured maybe the others were filled up. The doctor came in and very calmly told me that I have HPV and that the pap came back abnormal. She informed me that I have cancer cells on my cervix.....CANCER. No no no. I can't have cancer.....thats just not okay. When she said that word, my brain stopped and I just couldn't listen to her, everything became surreal and I wanted to cry but couldn't because I was still in shock. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! I was freaking out but didn't know what to do or what to say. Thankfully my husband was asking questions (which I don't remember).
The doctor said that I would need to come back in a week to see another doctor who would schedule a surgery because I would need to have a cone biopsy. Which is were they put me under and take a piece out of my cervix in order to send it to pathology and find out what stage the cancer is in.
I am going to be really honest...I am scared. I don't get scared over a lot of things and I am normally very chill with things and calm about stuff. I do not know much of anything right now except that I am scared and I don't know what is going on and won't know until after they do the pathology report. I made a mistake and started to look up stuff online and I just freaked out more because I am reading stuff that I don't even know if I have or will have.
There is a high chance that I will not be able to carry my own children and that's sad. It is a sad thing. My husband is adopted so he is completely okay with adopting eventually but he is a guy so he isn't understand where I am coming from as a woman. I am going to be robbed of the chance to do what my body was biologically designed to do. It is a messed up thing. I haven't told many people about this because I do not know how bad everything is just yet. I don't want people worry too much.
Then again, I don't know if many people will worry. I have told a few people and most of my friends have basically said they are sorry and wish me the best. I am sure it's shocking news for them as well but really? I don't know I am just annoyed that people are not being as supportive as I need them to be. I am frustrated with so many things that are going on right now and I have so many thoughts going through my head.
I have to be honest, I am angry with God or whomever this needs to be blamed on. I have been told "God gives the biggest battles to the strongest soldiers" and I just want to scream at people who say that shit to me. Even people who are trying to help, I want to just scream. I have been through so much shit my whole life and just in the last ten years I have been through 13 surgeries (this cone biopsy will be number 13). My first surgery was when I was age 14. I am DONE with shit. I. AM. TIRED. My body and my mind are exhausted. I just want a fucking break.
People around me who know are trying to keep me positive and I am trying. I really am. It's hard though. Not knowing shit is hard. I don't do well with not knowing things.
I am going to try and just be happy about this good stuff in my life and try to be hopeful.
What I am feeling is normal and I am within my rights to be upset. But I will try.
xo
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